


A Sacred Human Holiday

by cosmicConundrum



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 4/13, Canon, Halloween, Halloween Special, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 12:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10616721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicConundrum/pseuds/cosmicConundrum
Summary: It's Halloween and John and Karkat plan to go trick-or-treating.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **> Be John.**

It was once again the time of year for small human children to run around in silly costumes, begging their elders for sweets. You never really understood this behavior. In fact, back when you had scrolled through John’s timeline, you had witnessed this strange ritual every one of their earth years. Back when John was also a tiny wriggler, he and his human parental figure would browse the streets and hives, collecting candy from all over the neighborhood. And every earth year, he and the other small human children would do this. Again and again. And again. And again. Until the year before John’s thirteenth wriggling day.

The night was low in humidity. Cool, but not freezing. A soft breeze blows through the branches of the trees located just around your house. And you stretch out your arms, tilting your head back, cackling madly like you have all the power in the world to do something completely awful right now. Something beyond the evilness of the most evil person in existence! For tonight was a special night, that was why. Tonight was… Halloween.

“What are you doing?” You feel a hand on your shoulder, and sheepishly lower your arms to turn around. It was Karkat, of course!

“Haha, I don’t actually know what I was doing.” Again, you smile awkwardly.

 

**> Karkat: Reflect.**

It is once again the time of year for small human children to run around in silly costumes, begging their elders for sweets. You never really understood this behavior. In fact, back when you had scrolled through John’s timeline, you had witnessed this strange ritual every one of their earth years. Back when John was also a tiny wriggler, he and his human parental figure would browse the streets and hives, collecting candy from all over the neighborhood. And every earth year, he and the other small human children would do this. Again and again. And again. And again. Until the year before John’s thirteenth wriggling day. John had gotten into a discussion with his parental figure over whether or not he was “too old” to continue participating in the earth tradition. In the end, he went anyway, though he didn’t really seem to enjoy it as much. That was when he discovered the joy in pranking people on halloween. He would leave fake spiders and other stuff on other humans’ lawnrings. It was, truthfully, pretty funny. You remember almost cracking a smile at the time John hid to see his victim’s reaction. Alas, that was long ago, and now everything was different. Drastically different. Different now that you and your team had joined the humans in their lives, since there was nowhere else for you to go after the game.

Whatever. The point is, it is Halloween, a greatly celebrated earth holiday, and it is also a dreadful time for you. Obviously, none of the humans would allow any of you to NOT take part in the tradition. And what an awful tradition it was.

 

**> Karkat: Be Bothered**

“Come on, Karkat!” John begs you for the fifth or sixth time now. “Please? For me?”

“Look. I have said it five or six times now, and you asking me again is not going to change my decision. I am not going to put on a ridiculous costume just so you can mock me!” You huff, trying to turn away.

“But it will be fun! And after you join us on our quest for candy, we can go around pranking the neighbors.” John practically squeals in excitement (which is a fairly rare sight to see, despite what one might think).

 

**> Karkat: Face further blabbering and give in eventually.**

John continues begging you. And also begging you, and begging you some more. He pleaded. He whined. He groveled in your might. He clung to your leg and fake-sobbed. You almost felt sorry for him. The fact that he would embarrass himself to this degree just to get you to participate in some stupid earth tradition was astonishing. Eventually, you crack, and manage to look John in the eye (you tried not to accidentally smile or something because that would have been devastating). You sigh in exasperation. John smiles too, evilly, knowing that he got you to agree.

“So what am I supposed to wear?” You demand, shoving the gross idiot off of yourself.

“You can wear whatever you would like!” John says, “For example, when I was little, I went out one year as a ghost. But my costume was basically just a bedsheet with holes in it so I could see. It was still a great Halloween, though.”

“That sounds stupid.” You decide and turn away again.

“Yeah, but it’s fun! Come on, you already agreed. Now, all you have to do is just decide on a costume.” John reminds you again. It only bothers you slightly that he did not bother to try to turn you around so he could talk to you face to face.

 

**> Karkat: Think of a Halloween costume.**

You can’t. You don’t have any idea what you are supposed to do. Maybe you’ll just wait until the actual day of this Halloween holiday to bullshit your way through your promise. Yes, that seems like a good idea. A very good idea.

“I’ll think of something,” you say, turning back to face John. It is then that you note the huge smile on his face and almost barf.

“I will be waiting!” And with that, John saunters back into his respiteblock, clearly happy to have bent your will to where he wanted it to go. 

 

**> Karkat: Lament.**

You groan loudly in frustration and throw your hands in the air. Goddammit. Why did you have to listen? Now you really were going to have to go outside in a stupid costume. Well… you guess it was the right thing to do. An alternative would be to continue resisting Egbert’s pleading, and for who knows how long? Once John wanted you to do something, he would continue begging you over and over again, and for as long as he wanted. Often, “as long as he wanted” would translate to several hours. You did not want to listen to him begging you for several hours.

 

**> Karkat: Be future John.**

The night was low in humidity. Cool, but not freezing. A soft breeze blows through the branches of the trees located just around your house. And you stretch out your arms, tilting your head back, cackling madly like you have all the power in the world to do something completely awful right now. Something beyond the evilness of the most evil person in existence! Like toilet papering a house. For tonight was a special night, that was why. Tonight was… Halloween.

“What are you doing?” You feel a hand on your shoulder, and sheepishly lower your arms to turn around. It was Karkat, of course!

“Haha, I don’t actually know what I was doing.” Again, you smile awkwardly.

Karkat only responds with an exasperated look -- not angry enough to snarl at you, but not calm enough to try to ignore you completely. You take this moment to turn back around to look at the sky. Another gentle breeze blows towards you, and you embrace it happily. You also notice the poeticness of the moon, which is so incredibly huge that it almost looks fake. It was rare for there to be a moon this big on Halloween, since, most of the time, the full moon didn’t even fall on Halloween. Okay, you were blubbering to yourself now. Gosh, you needed to pay attention to the present situation!

“So did you finish your costume?” You turn back around to ask your friend. He only responds with, “Sort of. Fuck no.”

 

**> John: Pout**

You are about to release one of your infinitely powerful pouts, but you notice that Karkat is looking down and away from you. That meant that he definitely felt bad about the costume thing. You didn’t really want to push him, either. You are sure he made every effort to make a costume, but never got the chance to make one.

 

**> Karkat: Did you actually consider making a costume?**

No. You still feel bad about it, though.

 

**> John: Forgive.**

You forgive the troll. After all, it wasn’t needed for him to go trick-or-treating in a costume. It was just that… you had kind of… wanted to, um.

 

**> John: Finish that train of thought.**

You had kind of wanted to see him in a costume.

 

**> John: Why?**

Ugh. You know that you are going to double over in pain just thinking about this. But, oddly enough, you think Karkat is about three times funnier when he’s in a costume -- especially one he complains about.

 

**> John: Do you-**

No you do not have some sort of fetish for platonic friendleaders in cute costumes.

 

**> John: Inform Karkat that everything is okay.**

“Hey, Karkat?” you ask rather gently (so much more gently than you thought).

“What?”

“You don’t have to wear a costume! I mean, I guess people will just assume you’re in a costume since, you know, you are kind of an alien!” You try to finish that statement on a more positive note, but you feel kind of mean saying it. Oh well, you guess.

“While it is true that I would rather not wear a costume and that I would be perfectly fine without one,” Karkat begins, “I think I’ll try to find one anyway.”

 

**> John: What?**

“What?” you exclaim, practically flying up into the air in excitement (you would actually have done it, if not for the overhang thing directly above your head).

“Yeah, you heard me. I will wear some shitty costume.” Karkat snaps. You don’t even acknowledge the annoyance in his voice. You hardly care. Your friend was going to dress up! Yesss!!! You want to squeal for the third or fourth time tonight. You probably are squealing. Karkat? In a costume? Oh yes.

 

**> John: Make plans**

You are going to take so many pictures. So many. He won’t even know. Your camera roll will fill up with pictures of Karkat in his costume. Your dad will be looking through your camera roll, confused but probably proud, at all those pictures. Your friends will fear you. Karkat himself will likely scold you for being so obsessed with every detail of his life. But you are ready. You are doing it. No one can stop you from hoarding all 600+ pictures of the troll you are likely going to take.

 

**> John: Have thoughts interrupted by awesome rant from Karkat.**

“...yeah, I know I only have like three hours left until this stupid holiday. But I already made you a fucking promise, and like our sacred bond of broship, I cannot break this fucking promise. I am doing this for you, John, okay? Don’t assume that I will do this again, because I probably won’t. The level of “exceptioning” I am making here has already surpassed your level of stupidity. Yes, exceptioning is a verb. In case you have not figured it out yet, that is a compliment. The point is, though, that I will never again wear a costume. Never. This is your only chance, and you better appreciate it, you sick fuckface.” Karkat screeches, gradually stomping closer to you so that he can give you an angry glare (through much experimentation, he has found that you are more likely to listen to him when he’s glaring at you from only a foot or less away. Any farther, and you would have ignored the actual content of his rant for the humor of it all).

“Okay. Thanks! I know that it was really stupid to bother you about this and all, but I feel like you would really enjoy it.” Awkward and silly last comments aside, you are truly thankful to know that you will not be missing out on your friend’s ultra awesome costume!

 

**> John: Be future John a few hours from now.**

“All right everyone! We are gathered here today in honor of the sacred human holiday known as Halloween, where young children dress up in costumes and run around like the little shits they are.” Dave announces, just as you step away from the central “podium” (which was just a small chair in the middle of the room everyone was gathered in) after finishing your initial opening statement (being a leader was hard. It was hard and nobody, well, not really, actually everybody, understood).

You scoff and chuckle to yourself quietly as Dave then proceeds to drag a small chalkboard to the center of the room, where he begins to make the most beautiful and shitty sketch you have seen.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2015. It sucks and I didn't proofread it. The only reason I posted it was because it is a homestuck holiday and because I feel bad for letting down all my fellow johnkatters so long ago. In other words, I'm celebrating by posting all my old works-in-progress that I never finished. They are works in progress and therefore don't make a lot of sense, and if you didn't get it, incomplete. I won't be returning to writing johnkat fics but I guess I'll always be in this fandom. I hate my life. Happy 4/13 you little pieces of garbage.
> 
> 1 out of 3 fics done, 2 more to go.


End file.
